Corporate Secrets, part 1

["Pop" Stran]

This series of emails was intercepted by a friend who was hired to secure the private accounts of a corporate CEO.
SAM was given exclusive access to this apparent "inside joke" set of messages. >JB<

You're curious, we know...What do the huge corporations really think?
Allow me to enlighten you...but don't complain later that you didn't like hearing it:

1: Screw you.

In a nutshell, that's our corporate policy toward the average consumer with a complaint.
We have better things to do than ponder your predicament.
Your new truck self-destructed? Coffepot burned your house down? Maybe your kid was brain-damaged by our newest drug..?
Oops.
Sue us, dumbass. That's why we spend more on attorney fees in a year than your whole family will earn in the next decade.
Personally, I'd rather have my butthair waxed than pretend for one more minute that your complaints are being heard...but my job description states that catering to you whiny crybabies may help stave off a few lawsuits, thus bolstering our quarterlies by no less than 5%...so go ahead and call.

...and by the way; If you take the cost of your son's college education, and multiply it by 200...that's how much we spent to discover that we could actually kill your son with one of our products and get away with it.

Stick that in your complaint and smoke it.