Corporate Secrets, part 3

["Pop" Stran]

This series of emails was intercepted by a friend who was hired to secure the private accounts of a corporate CEO.
SAM was given exclusive access to this apparent "inside joke" set of messages. >JB<

You're curious, we know...What do the guys at the top of the largest companies really think..?


3: Your Kids are Stupid

...and that's the Good news.
Think you're ready for the bad news?
They're smarter than you.

Right now, your kids are walking billboards for our companies. They wear corporate logos on their shoes, their hats, shirts, and even on their butts.

We couldn't buy this type of free brand exposure, and they've turned advertising our brands into a fad...a competition with their peers.

Wanna talk cellphones? They can't stop!
Your kids have directly earned Billion$ for our subsidiaries, and the growth can't be stopped.
They exchange stories of being grounded and cut-off for burning holes in your budgets with their endless chatter and texts...and they're proud of it.

Your kids are even more gullible than you are.
Did you know that we can place just one of our products into an MTV video, and bump our sales by over 1000% and more?

...and did you really think the hardware and software you're using right now was your idea?

We own your kids. You sold them to us, of course...cheap.
I wind them up, and make them jump like monkeys at will.
They love me for it...Go figure.
They love my company, my products, my logos...Can't get enough.
Told you they're stupid.

...and then there's you...

Like a Rock. Like a Good Neighbor. Piece of the Rock.
How dumb are you...really?

I drop a couple of mill$ on a superbowl ad, and suddenly you're talking about my company with your friends like we're the greatest thing since sliced bread.

You wouldn't know advertising and branding from truth if it bit you on the wallet...because I've been doing just that your whole miserable life.
...by the way; Thanx for the new Lotus, it's great.

I sold you insurance you didn't want...computers you couldn't use...vehicles you couldn't afford...credit you couldn't manage...and literally thousands of pieces of junk that you never knew existed until I told you to want them.

Feel stupid yet..?
Don't forget; I own your kids, and that means I own you by proxy.

Teenage girls are the heart of our music business, but the money they spend comes out of your pockets.
I pull their strings, and they in turn pull yours.

I put a pair of our baggy jeans on some rap star's butt, and every teenage son in America is reaching for Dad's wallet and running to the mall for a few overpriced pairs of the cheapest and ugliest Indonesian crap to ever come off an assembly line.

...dance monkeys, dance...

Those non-profit groups you turn to for consumer advice...I own most of them.
They tell you what I want them to. They tell you to trust my companies, because I pay their bills.
Trust, you see, just like justice, is very often for sale to the highest bidder in this country.

Now, don't feel too bad.

We gave you television a long time ago for this specific purpose...and you sucked it up.
Years of careful manipulation led you to the point where a drug company can dictate how you raise your kids, insurance companies can dictate what type of car you can drive, and corporate murder in the name of commercial progress is a publicly acceptable business practice.

Depressing, isn't it?
Don't worry...We've got a magic pill for that, too.

...You trust me, don't you?