Post by "Pop" Stran on Feb 2, 2005 8:19:41 GMT -5
There are two likely reasons that this is my choice as the first post to this new group.
First most likely is that I have four daughters of my own. All are grown now and emotionally healthy, with families of their own.
Any parent of a teenager can tell you this is no small feat.
Teenage girls have a particular quality that seperates them from teenage boys, and that is the ability to whip up an emotional tornado within your peaceful home in just a few seconds without notice, and often without an apparent motive.
From the slamming doors and the blasting stereo to the tears in the pillow and the attempt to stab you in the heart with,"I HATE YOU!"
...and nothing brings on this tyrade faster than enforcing rules and restrictions.
She'll get over it, of course.
Maybe one day she'll understand...
You know the play, and in time grow accustomed to your role in this drama.
Eventually your parenting style becomes a pattern of compromises designed to satisfy both your need to protect her, and her needs for independence and self-expression.
Because her happiness matters most to you, you do what you can to prevent butting heads over rules...Maybe because she has the uncanny ability to make you feel like you've lost, even when you win...and maybe because an uneasy peace is better than war.
This is a small price to pay for her safety and long-term happiness however, and you will gladly face it another thousand times for her sake.
You know this. I know this.
...but some very ugly people are betting against it.
Some people are counting on your fear of upsetting her, and making her hate you for treating her like a child.
They want very much to hurt her...and these people are closer than you may think.
The second reason for this post is that my first online money-maker was dating websites.
I got the idea from the a new ISP called AOL, and their most popular feature: chatrooms.
One common thread in those early days still applies today; The question, "ASL?", asking for Age, Sex, and Location.
These chatters were fishing for local singles to eventually meet offline, rather than just a casual chat.
They were on a quest...and today there are too many undesireables on that same hunt.
Your teenage daughter could very well be a current or future target of these predators if she spends any time in the chatrooms.
To insure the safety of our club members, we employed private investigative resources to verify the identity of members before allowing them to mingle...and we learned some very disturbing facts:
Over 35% of males who use online dating sites are already married.
Nearly 40% of males seeking "females aged 14-18" are over the age of 21 themselves.
...and over one third of that total are aged 30 and older.
We also learned that internet chatrooms had become the single most popular use of the computers by inmates, in prisons that supplied this service.
...You read that right; Our tax dollars are buying access to your daughter's bedroom for rapists, child molesters and murderers.
These predators realized early the awesome power of this new medium, and they have little else to do but shop for the next victim.
*They were also the second-largest group begging for pictures of the girls they talked to.
The pictures were being sold to other inmates...Prison computers won't get porn sites, so teenage girls willing to pose was the closest thing they had.
Your job as Mom and Dad is to educate yourself.
Know who she's chatting with, and what goes on in the chatrooms that she frequents.
Private chatrooms are the biggest threat because this is where personal information is traded, such as your address, phone number, and favorite hangouts.*
*Your master screenname can turn off this feature in AOL, under Parental Controls.
Posing as a teenage hunk with a great car, this pervert can manipulate her easy trust with criminal deceit...and arrange a meeting place.
He knows what she wants to hear...and how easily a teen will fall "in love" with the imagery he creates in her imagination.
Why should he risk violating his parole by hanging around junior high schools, when teen girls will voluntarily come to him?
He's counting on your ignorance, too...and on your desire to avoid upsetting her with restrictions on her internet uses...but having her hate you once again because her safety could be at stake is an insignificant price to pay.
AOL chatrooms are still very popular, and full of teens hoping to hook-up with other teens.
For the most part, it's fairly harmless...but a room titled "teens only" is where these animals choose to hunt prey.
Wolves in sheep's clothing, if you will.
You know that people lie, and some lie every time they open their mouth.
Still others have a strong motivation to create elaborate lies.
Maybe your little girl hasn't learned this lesson yet.
She definately needs to learn from you that not everyone can be taken at face value...and in a chatroom, No One Can.
Before you leave this page, watch the young girls' faces scrolling by on the Missing Children applet below...and wonder for a minute how many of them came to be there because they entered the wrong chatroom.
To save a child, there is no price that we will not pay.
First most likely is that I have four daughters of my own. All are grown now and emotionally healthy, with families of their own.
Any parent of a teenager can tell you this is no small feat.
Teenage girls have a particular quality that seperates them from teenage boys, and that is the ability to whip up an emotional tornado within your peaceful home in just a few seconds without notice, and often without an apparent motive.
From the slamming doors and the blasting stereo to the tears in the pillow and the attempt to stab you in the heart with,"I HATE YOU!"
...and nothing brings on this tyrade faster than enforcing rules and restrictions.
She'll get over it, of course.
Maybe one day she'll understand...
You know the play, and in time grow accustomed to your role in this drama.
Eventually your parenting style becomes a pattern of compromises designed to satisfy both your need to protect her, and her needs for independence and self-expression.
Because her happiness matters most to you, you do what you can to prevent butting heads over rules...Maybe because she has the uncanny ability to make you feel like you've lost, even when you win...and maybe because an uneasy peace is better than war.
This is a small price to pay for her safety and long-term happiness however, and you will gladly face it another thousand times for her sake.
You know this. I know this.
...but some very ugly people are betting against it.
Some people are counting on your fear of upsetting her, and making her hate you for treating her like a child.
They want very much to hurt her...and these people are closer than you may think.
The second reason for this post is that my first online money-maker was dating websites.
I got the idea from the a new ISP called AOL, and their most popular feature: chatrooms.
One common thread in those early days still applies today; The question, "ASL?", asking for Age, Sex, and Location.
These chatters were fishing for local singles to eventually meet offline, rather than just a casual chat.
They were on a quest...and today there are too many undesireables on that same hunt.
Your teenage daughter could very well be a current or future target of these predators if she spends any time in the chatrooms.
To insure the safety of our club members, we employed private investigative resources to verify the identity of members before allowing them to mingle...and we learned some very disturbing facts:
Over 35% of males who use online dating sites are already married.
Nearly 40% of males seeking "females aged 14-18" are over the age of 21 themselves.
...and over one third of that total are aged 30 and older.
We also learned that internet chatrooms had become the single most popular use of the computers by inmates, in prisons that supplied this service.
...You read that right; Our tax dollars are buying access to your daughter's bedroom for rapists, child molesters and murderers.
These predators realized early the awesome power of this new medium, and they have little else to do but shop for the next victim.
*They were also the second-largest group begging for pictures of the girls they talked to.
The pictures were being sold to other inmates...Prison computers won't get porn sites, so teenage girls willing to pose was the closest thing they had.
Your job as Mom and Dad is to educate yourself.
Know who she's chatting with, and what goes on in the chatrooms that she frequents.
Private chatrooms are the biggest threat because this is where personal information is traded, such as your address, phone number, and favorite hangouts.*
*Your master screenname can turn off this feature in AOL, under Parental Controls.
Posing as a teenage hunk with a great car, this pervert can manipulate her easy trust with criminal deceit...and arrange a meeting place.
He knows what she wants to hear...and how easily a teen will fall "in love" with the imagery he creates in her imagination.
Why should he risk violating his parole by hanging around junior high schools, when teen girls will voluntarily come to him?
He's counting on your ignorance, too...and on your desire to avoid upsetting her with restrictions on her internet uses...but having her hate you once again because her safety could be at stake is an insignificant price to pay.
AOL chatrooms are still very popular, and full of teens hoping to hook-up with other teens.
For the most part, it's fairly harmless...but a room titled "teens only" is where these animals choose to hunt prey.
Wolves in sheep's clothing, if you will.
You know that people lie, and some lie every time they open their mouth.
Still others have a strong motivation to create elaborate lies.
Maybe your little girl hasn't learned this lesson yet.
She definately needs to learn from you that not everyone can be taken at face value...and in a chatroom, No One Can.
Before you leave this page, watch the young girls' faces scrolling by on the Missing Children applet below...and wonder for a minute how many of them came to be there because they entered the wrong chatroom.
To save a child, there is no price that we will not pay.