Post by "Pop" Stran on Jan 22, 2005 22:32:13 GMT -5
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to Heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Because opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50-50" relationship?
We cook-They eat; We clean-They dirty; We iron-They wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He just holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
"I can do sooo much better..."
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to make a man do situps?
Put the remote between his toes.
Why are all dumb-blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you always make a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do female black-widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant-replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forgot what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop to ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis easier for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.